what do i fear ??
August 10, 2009
life for me always been like a river ,happiness just like its flow ,sumtimes like floody monsoons to times alarming a drought . although i think m just 20 years and yet i hav a whole life ahead of me but times come when we want to have a broader and much sofisticated perspective of our life ,wen we start thinkin ‘is this d life we assumed for ourselfs ?’
recently i was just going back home for my summer break , a break wich means seeing d closest ones after nearly 5 months ,to have food wich we can die for..hehe.. and most important the calmness of being cared . I hav a special affection with the trains coz i hav got some of the closest frnds coz of it only …hehe …That day i had to catch Rajdhani exp at 7 in d morning ,as was expected from me after a series of tensed days i had a nice nite out ,not jus for d sake of entertainment but also jus to keep myself awake for d morning train ..train was almost on time and soon i was preparin to jus fit my luggage and goin for a nice AC sleep ..soon the tea arrived with the declaration dat breakfast is soon gonna served ,didn had anythn whole nite so was tempted to keep myself kicking for summore mins ..soon entered 2 of my seniors from college ,had a warm hanshake followed by wat u can call a group tea …d female one was surely in a mood of sum wat like raggin coz d first ques was “do u hav a gf ?” hehe .. i knew both ways i would had been screwed up , so js shot “no ” ,surprisingly she js listened my answer and said u r lucky ..hehe ..but wat catchd my attention was d way she replied ..i thot luck supports truth ..hehe …n den d conversation started with me almost fainting n my eyes threatening to blur …but den came a question from dat girl ” WHAT DO U FEAR ??” her voice was so deep that i was soon swept away by a series of thoughts ,wat to tel her ?? i started calculating how much i fear of different things …i was js manipulating some crap wen d newspaper arrived ..i jus grabbed one to hv a look … the first news i read was ’23 killed in bomb blast in lahore ‘ followed by ’12 killed in an earthquake in afghanistan ‘, ’2 men shot dead in noida resisting eve teasing ‘,’ wife murdered husband for money ‘ and many more of similar sort.
Now d ques was clear in my mind , she wasnt interested in knowing my short term fears like my academic result ,attendence shortage, complications in relations but she wanted to js knw hw a normal man fear different things . i ws jus pondering wen i noticed her taking out a pen and a peice of paper to write my views but dis act also made me a bit over catious .
I started with ” i fear every unknown person sittin besides me , i fear of travelling in a train wich could be bombed anytime , any building wich can crash due to earthquake….” nd many more …i wasnt replying her but was askin myself only wich thing i fear d most . the girl soon realised dat she had thrown me into d worst question dat nyone can answer and she was kind of smiling at me . But den i dn knw how i answered ” i fear myself d most ” . all wer looking at me for an explanation wich i didn want to give but i js said ” all my other fears are indirectly related , i cant control dem , i cant stop an earthquake neither can i stop a militant entering frm kashmir , but al i can do is to keep myself in control ,want to try not to b a fear for someone else ” .but i js wana ask everyone “think deep n answer what do u fear ???”
